Seems I disappeared for a while. I used this time of isolation to be quiet and create two new books and several paintings. I have recently emerged from my cocoon feeling quite free with loads of energy. Wondering where God will lead me next.
During recent travels I came upon this sign in a diner. I was immediately struck by its truth. There are times when we feel so weak that we stumble, we find it hard to maintain our balance. We may feel lost, we may even move toward despair. But if we kneel – turn to God in prayer- we will find hope. Prayer is intimate connection with the Holy, the ever-present power of love. Kneeling can mean bowing down, recognizing that the controlling power resides not in us but in God. In That humbling of ourselves we come to see the loving, guiding hand that keeps us going. The hand that pulls us to our feet and gives us new life, new strength, new hope. Praise God!
This has been such a massive shift in the way we live. I personally am not having that much challenge staying at home. I have been doing most of my work from home for some time. What has changed is the face to face meetings I have with my directees. But thank God for technology. I have been able to meet with everyone online. Now, I am a hugger and that is a big piece of how I care for others. Virtual hugs are okay but nothing like human touch. I am so glad that I am sheltering in place with my family. I pray daily for those who are alone. I contact those I know, just to check in. I would highly recommend that if you know anyone who lives alone call them or send a note. Something to let them know they are really not alone. As this stay to home order goes on, it will become harder. Even though temporary, loneliness can lead to depression and even despair. The term “stir crazy” is going around a lot. I have one acquaintance who was feeling the effects after 2 days TWO days. This morning I asked my husband , “Is it really Friday?” Time seems to be flying by for me.
I have been very busy. I am working and playing and praying. The fear creeps in but I’m accepting it and finding ways to use that energy. I am cooking more, trying to be somewhat creative there so as not to be going out to the store too often. I started writing my blog again, so that’s good I suppose. I’m painting, singing, dancing (seriously, I find myself dancing – maybe it is because I watched “Chicago”), and having conversations with family and friends. It has really been a rich time. I have the luxury of being able to continue to work and have income so I am donating a bit more to those agencies that care for the poor. I am particularly concerned about those who are living on the edge. Unable to live on what they have and so vulnerable in times like this, they need assistance and with social distancing it will be hard to deliver what they need. We will figure out something to help them but it is challenging. Pray for all those trying to maintain assistance programs. Where one door closes, God opens another or a window.
I am not in New York so the worst is yet to come. I just read that there is a poll saying that 9 in 10 persons in the US are heeding the social distancing recommendations. If this is true then that is better than I thought. We may actually be able to make a difference and lessen the severity of this pandemic.
May the God of Abraham hold you in this time of uncertainty and help you to see the positive – the ways in which we humans are able to care for one another. Help us to be the hands and voice of the divine to offer comfort and support to those around us and all over the world through the means available to us. As we stay at home to protect those who must be out, open our hearts to new ways to serve. AMEN
I am staying at home. I can do my work from home and my kids are very concerned for me. Of course I love them for it but it does remind me that I am at an increased risk.
I just found out someone I know has CoVid -19. She’s gotten through the worst and is recovering but as scary as this pandemic is, finding out that it is that close is, well, making it personal.
I was in a webinar with some of our experienced colleagues in Spiritual Direction. One of them was dealing with the disease and spoke freely about the fear. So we talked about how to help our directees deal with the fear. I thought, yes, this is the challenge I face. I am scared for myself, my family, all those away from me and most especially for those without the resources I have. I bring all of this into my sessions with my own clients. I don’t want this state to be my way of being. So I pray. But I am needing to pray more to stay present. To help others deal with this fear, I must deal with it myself..
We must realize that fear is normal and truly a gift from God designed to keep us safe. So we must welcome this fear, name it, allow ourselves to feel it and talk to God about it. It is in this time of prayer where we can give the fear over to God, accept that we are not alone in it and use that energy to move us forward. It helps to say it out loud, too. Talking to someone else can be a release as well.
Just breathing helps. I usually breathe in the Spirit and breathe out what I don’t want. Fear, anxiety, worry, that feeling of helplessness, the knowledge that I don’t have any control. This relaxes you, grounds you, and reminds you that God is present. It makes a difference and you can make choices that are born out of being loved rather than personal angst.
The truth is that fear makes sense in these times but in God there is hope and a way of looking at the world that allows you to use that energy to be part of the positive – be kind, reach out (by phone or letter or social media!) to others. Give a donation to help keep those in need fed, sheltered etc. Breathe and talk to God. Then let fear move you to action.
What a crazy time! Who would have thought? This is a wakeup call. We were unprepared for this and so blindsided by it that many of us didn’t take it seriously. Now we are paying for that lack of respect for a highly contagious, new, unknown virus that has spread throughout the world in less that 3 months time. This is shocking and we in the United States are trying to wrap our heads around how something like this could happen. It spread across all of the United States, 49 states in just a few weeks.
I think the fact that things happened so fast is the most dizzying. We were going along in our usual way, complaining about the government, going out, spending money, watching a healthy economy weather some challenges, just living our daily lives. Then coronavirus. The world as we know it has come grinding to a halt. The market crashed, gatherings were banned, events canceled. We are being confined in the hopes of lessening the burden on those who will offer healing. As we watch the scenario unfold in other places we know it is just a matter of time for us. But we are fighting. We are making it harder for the virus to mass infect. And we have some tools to do that. How many times have we heard “wash your hands”, “don’t touch your face with unwashed hands”, stay away from crowds, don’t form crowds, stay home unless you have to go out, work from home? It is coming. It is serious. It is real. But we can slow it down so it can be manageable.
I am happy that I don’t have to go out. I feel for those who have to work outside their safe haven. But I am grateful to them for doing their jobs. The least I can do is listen and take precautions so that they are not unnecessarily overwhelmed. Each of us can make a difference by taking this seriously and trying to be part of the solution and not the problem. I am staying home until I have to be out for something vital – like an important doctors appointment or to get groceries. But I will try to go out at a time when others won’t be out. Keeping the suggested distance from people, yes, washing my hands.
I find myself checking the map of the virus a couple of times a day. It is surreal watching the numbers climb. It now seems incredulous that anyone thought it could be contained. But they tried. Kudos to them. And now we must do our part.
I am a religious person. I find great comfort in knowing that I have a God who cares. When I start to panic, I go there. I seek the steadfast love of my God who helps me through tough times. I am grateful for my faith. I know this virus is like countless others, part of our world. Most are relatively harmless, some like this are more virulent, and deadly. So this, too, is a part of the human condition. We have been blessed with minds and a creativity that allows us to deal with the situation. We search for and find ways to combat these illnesses. We are also blessed with a sense of community that says we must care for one another and that means doing what is right not just for ourselves but recognizing the repercussions of our actions.
Even with the divisions that have grown in our country. We are coming together as one nation to confront and deal with this threat. We need to learn from this trial and grow a sense of family. Maybe this will remind us that we are a nation of people who have come from all over the world but are Americans. I am thinking that other countries are thinking the same thing. That is when national pride is helpful. We also realize that this is a global problem and that it is bringing us together as humankind. If even for a short time we think about that we might find that we can coexist and be kind to one another. We can see the humanity in each of us all over the world. Perhaps this will change the way we think about our fellow humans. I HOPE.
Hello. I am finally emerging from a place of despair. It has been quite a while since I last posted and the worst possible outcome for the election has occurred. I could not have in my wildest imaginings predicted this outcome.
Our new president is so unfit for office yet a large enough number of people came out and voted for him that we are stuck with him and praying wholeheartedly that he will not destroy the country. I cannot believe that people in the United States would not take the time to vote, would choose not to vote, or honestly thought Donald Trump would be okay in the highest office. So far, he has done some crazy things. He stands for only a few of the people of the country without regard to the rest of us. He even has betrayed those who voted for him.
I was truly in despair for a while but have focussed my energy on forms of resistance, care for others and limiting my “news” input. There is such potential for damaging our country and taking steps backward in our progress. It is encouraging that so many are engaging in peaceful forms of resistance. There is serious dialogue about some of the most important challenges facing our nation. Conversations about race and gender and injustice are far more frequent and meaningful. The election of Donald trump may have in fact exposed some very deep injustices that have up until now been ignored.
The big question now should be what do you want your nation to be? We can be a country which values all of its people or one that continues to enrich a small number at the expense of everyone else. We can be a country that respects human dignity and sees all of its citizens as human beings wanting the same things for themselves and their children or we can continue to dismiss segments of society. We can be a nation that supports a clean green world, even as we have to come to grips with the fact that we are responsible for the state we are in or we can continue polluting and denying the problems. We can honor our constitution and hold that all citizens of the US have rights, including basic needs to support life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness or we can throw it out the window and treat some as expendable to provide a luxurious life for a few.
I would like our country to be a model to the world. We have great resources. We should be a nation that excels in caring for our people. A place where hatred does not exist. We can call others out on human rights violations when we discontinue that here. We are great innovators, producers, manufacturers and developers. We can reach great heights without diminishing others. It would be great to see our economy flourish from bottom to top. If our “poor” are still able to have a decent life, the wealthy can continue to build business and succeed. But until there is no poverty in the U.S. it is sinful for individuals and corporations to amass such wealth as is unusable. True positive Power comes from using wealth to improve the world. Many in power now only horde wealth, or squander it. There is so much potential for the United States. I will continue to pray for a miracle – change of heart so that all people of our nation realize that when all are cared for, all of us benefit. It would be a miracle if each person saw themselves as part of the human family and not as an entitled one. I pray!
A PRAYER FOR OUR NATION
Oh God in Your mercy free us from ourselves.
Let us love. Let hatred leave our thoughts.
Let forgiveness come to us and from us.
Open our hearts wide to embrace rather than shun.
Open our minds to understand that we are all human beings with needs.
Open our hands
To let go of some things that control us and
To grab on to things that make the world a better place
Open our mouths to speak the truth to ignorance and injustice
To give voice to those who currently have no voice
To encourage others to care
To offer words to uplift and support and not diminish or shame
Open our ears and eyes
To see the needs
To hear those who cry out for help
To witness the good in the world and make known the cruelties
To acknowledge and accept people in their desire to live their life freely
O Holy One, give us a sense of self worth that dictates our treatment of others.
Let us live our lives as if we know that each action matters
Let us behave as if every life on earth matters
And Let it explode throughout humanity
AMEN
We are in the process of rethinking who we are as church in our congregation. The transition period is a little unnerving for a woman who likes structure. I have been praying a lot in these many months. I’m trying to discern where God wants me in this. As is always the case, when I pray there is hope and a sense of well being in me. It is still uncomfortable but I know God is present and active and I trust that I will be called where I will grow.
So, that was not enough, the region has decided to undergo a complete transformation as well. Here is one way I am being called to act. I have taken on some leadership at this level. It is a bit uncertain as well but I am trusting that I was led this direction for a reason.
I just returned from General Assembly and guess what? The entire denomination is beginning a transition. The writing is on the wall and we are at a place where we either change or die. WOW!
In every case the movement is away from a corporate model to a model much more like the beginning of our Christian movement. I mean WAYYY back when people were gathering who still knew the person Jesus or his disciples.
I am all for that kind of thinking. It pains me to see what some people do in the name of Jesus. They act like they have never read the Bible or heard the stories of Jesus’ ministry on earth. The man was passionate about justice, about caring, about equality and about living a life filled with love. If we can get ourselves out of the confines of the church building we might find that living a life that is truly Christ-like is actually easier than we thought. He said love one another. If we take that to heart we can change the world.
I just realized that I almost 2 months have passed since the new year began. My latest posts have been surrounding the “black lives matter” work happening in the St Louis area. It has been on my mind and in my heart. I have been praying and supporting those who are in the trenches. I will continue to do so.
I have also been fretting (meaning keenly aware of and maybe obsessing a little – definitely preoccupied) about my entry into the third part of my life. Well, unless I live to be over 90, which I suppose IS possible, I am in the last segment of my life. Using the 4 seasons, I am in the autumn. The body is definitely showing signs of wear and tear. Vision is going, hearing isn’t too bad, but things are starting to sag. Hair is changing. I am starting to forget things. I actually am getting hot flashes. My mountain climbing days are over! haha I laugh because I was never much good at climbing but now I can’t.
What surprises me is that I am not upset about it, I am not depressed or thinking that “It’s all downhill” from here as in doomsday, Although that metaphor would be good since the hard work has been done and now I can coast. I have been thrown into another time of disequilibrium where I am not really sure what my place/role is in this new episode. In the past I would be very stressed, ill-at-ease, worried, and anxious but today I am relatively calm and patiently waiting for God to reveal what comes next. The funniest thing is that this fretting about the decade change is about to be resolved because I will be one year older in just a few days. Now I can get on with it and stop thinking I’m in a new decade.
What has come to me is that I must let go of some things to make room for others. This has been hard to do. After some 25 years of youth ministry, I have chosen to love those kids from afar <smiles> that is not to be involved in the day to day work of that kind of ministry but rather help from the periphery. I took a leave of absence from the praise band and am focusing on getting my voice back in shape as a soprano singing in my range. I will be ever-grateful to the musicians I have worked with for giving me the opportunity to grow musically in ways I never thought possible. Styles I’d never tired, songs I didn’t think I could do, and always a chance to feel my way into something different. I’m also letting go of children. Yes, I know you never REALLY let them go but you do give them the space they need. We are empty nesters now (again!) and it is all about letting go so you can be something else. My spouse and I are discovering each other again. This is fun.
So what is next? I’m still in discernment but what is coming clear is that I will be doing spiritual direction and more retreat work. I am very much drawn to the visual and musical arts. While I have been involved in this way in the past, I seem to be moving into different areas. I am utilizing my writing skills for liturgical work, curriculum writing, and blogging! I look forward to what new directions I am being called. In all things prayer is keeping me steady, patient and grateful. I know more will be revealed. I trust in God’s time and I am feeling gratitude for the life I have had, excitement about the life to come.
I have been trying to process the events around the country involving the police and people of color. I’ve written a bit about the immediate situation but overall it has been very difficult coming to grips with what has happened and continues to happen.
There is racism in the United States and if you don’t believe that you are living in some sort of insulated world. These events of the past several in Ferguson and New York etc. have brought a well known (in minority communities) injustice to the common knowledge. People are outraged, people find it incredible that this is happening in our country. It has been happening but in places most of us never go. As a result, it seems it doesn’t exist. I have to give the social media some credit here. The sad part is that once it is no longer “newsworthy” it will fall back into the “out of sight out of mind” category.
These events have sparked some dialogue in the communities involved and I can only hope that some good will come of it. If there is a move toward conversation and relationship building in the communities, there will be improvement. Fear is decreased when people get to know each other.
There is an effort to press for reform of the criminal justice system. It is broken ad much needs to be done about it. I am hopeful that the energy will propel this forward. There is a strong clergy involvement. People are still talking about it.
I have to come to terms with my own frustration about the glacial pace of Reconciliation work in my own church. We have been working on this for some 70 years and still we struggle. I work on the area team but find little interest in the regular church going crowd. I was drawn into the work by my son who as a teen and young adult was very interested and active in the work. As leadership ignored him and showed little interest in his participation he fell away from the work and from the church itself. I have remained but have seen the work become less and less shared. We have had to change our approach because attendance at programs has dropped. People just don’t want to talk about it. We have moved out of the churches and into the community. Still it is hard and frustrating work. The events of this summer and fall have made a opening for our work. I remain frustrated but hopeful. It hurts to think about these things. I know God has a different plan for us, one of equality where basic needs are met and all are given respect and care. It is too easy to let this very important need for change in our society slip back on the shelf when something big like the terrorist killings come to light. We must be diligent. We must keep praying and we need to keep it in the societal conscious.
It has been a while since my last post and there has been an outpouring of support for the African American community in Ferguson. Many clergy have been participating in peaceful protests. Today several members of the Eden Theological Seminary community took part in a protest in the pouring rain. It resulted in several (I believe it was reported as 49) persons including activist and author Cornell West and my pastor being arrested for civil disobedience. There was a concurrent Vigil held at the chapel on the seminary campus where we prayed in support of those at the protest and in the neighborhoods affected by shooting tragedies. A second death of a young black man by multiple gun shots occurred this week. Some colleagues who live in the area were involved in a prayer service and protest where there was violence. We have been trying to process these events in our own back yard.
It is difficult to wrap your head around these kinds of events happening in the 21st century but the sad fact is that racism is alive and well. We have seen some definite progress but it isn’t enough. There are too many persons for whom these events are common occurrences. They don’t get the press that we’ve seen here but maybe it is time for another civil rights movement. Maybe people are waking up to the fact that there are people in our country (the great United States of America) that are treated as expendable. No, we are not talking about a 3rd world country we are talking about the USA. Institutionalized racism. systemic racism, is so much a part of the fabric of our society that we often fail to even be aware of it. It is a power inequality that leaves some having control of and benefiting from the wealth of our nation while others struggle to get by and are actively blocked from moving ahead. While often unconscious, privilege is given to those with white or lighter skin while those with darker or black skin are treated as threats and made to suffer humiliation, disproportionate scrutiny and simply poor disrespectful treatment, often for no other reason than the color of their skin.
There are many who just don’t get it and it is because they truly have no idea what it is like to live as a person of color in the society. They don’t take the time to get to know anyone and simply choose to be afraid either because of media portrayal or because they have been told or taught to think this way, or perhaps because of one encounter with an unsavory character. It isn’t about prejudice. It is about the power that one group has over another because the society allows it. That is systemic racism and it is ingrained, unseen unless carefully inspected. My denomination has taken on the task of becoming a pro-reconciling, anti-racist church. It is a slow moving process but we have training about white privilege that really helps people understand the real problem. The problem is power. In the past when a group of whites felt like it they might go out an lynch a black person or two. The authorities did nothing about it and very sad scenes of people hanging from trees made other people of color terrified. (Yes, acts of terrorism). Now the lynching takes the form of our police officers accosting, harassing or shooting young black men at will, and getting away with it because the system allows it. It is abuse of power. As a friend of mine said, “It is a lynching of the spirit.”
I have been thinking about how there was that stop and frisk policy in New York, which has since been outlawed. The officers claimed it was needed to keep crime down. But the problem was that they only targeted minorities, It occurred to me that the simple solution to the problem, if it was truly a crime deterrent, was to randomize it and stop and frisk everyone. Statistically more drug abuse and thus criminal possession occurs in white populations. I’d bet the same is true of gun possession. But we all know how long that would last. (Privilege)
I must stop now, This is weighing heavy on my heart and I just wanted to write a bit of it down. Perhaps I will write more later. I will end with one of the prayers I prayed today in the chapel:
O God of all, please enter the hearts of those involved in this terrible tragedy and all those who think like them. Break open the hardened hearts to allow fear and dislike to flow out and your love to fill them up. Anyone who knows your love cannot help but love. That is what is needed. Love which leads to respect which leads to relationship and mutual care for one another. Your love is powerful – help those haters to love. Help those who feel disrespected and treated as if they have little value to turn there anger to energy to continue the fight and protest the injustice. Bless those who walk alongside the Ferguson and Shaw communities and give them courage and strength to continue to work toward justice even when things seem impossible. With you there is always hope. Amen