I took a  9 month sabbatical from church. I didn’t go to any other church. I worshipped in other ways. I am refreshed. There is hope and anticipation for the next steps!

This is a reflection on the experience, abbreviated for the purpose of this blog. I will begin with the call I received. No, not a phone call. It was a beckoning, an urging telling me that I needed to get out of the confines of church. I have served in numerous ways in the congregation. Our family life revolved around the church calendar. You can say that I was a very active church member. Yet I found I was no longer connecting with the Holy as I went though the motions. I found myself driving to church and wondering why.

It was about this time that I got the first nudge. Step outside. What? The thought bothered me. What was I thinking? I have been “in church” my whole life. Unlike so many, I never left during my late teens or early adult life. I drew life from my time at church. Then I went to a conference for my ministry, Spiritual Direction . Here were persons from all walks of life gathered to share how they connect with God. I was moved to tears with the way God acts in different people, in different ways. It was an even more profound understanding of God’s movement in the world.

That was when I got the second nudge. Step out of the confines of the building and meet me in the world. Now , I don’t believe that God lives in the church building but I got the sense that the Spirit was trying to move me to something more.

I sat with that a while and got the third nudge, more of a command, come to me! So I listened and told my church I would be taking some time away to find out what the Spirit had to say.

I spent the first few weeks feeling guilty for not being in church. Then, I found God in the singing birds outside my door. I felt that Holy presence as I shoveled snow, as I sat with my husband eating a meal. I knew it was Okay, it felt like sacred time. I found the sacred time baking with my daughter to be a source of light and life. I was worshipping. I spent time in meditation and did some mission work, and painted and wrote.

In this time I learned some things about myself.
* I acknowledged and rejoiced in my Catholic roots. That is where God formed me. I’ve even found some of the traditional prayers to be helpful.
* I realized that the desire to be in church should not be out of duty but out of love. I lost that for a bit and the duty piece took over.
* I found that I am connected to God through the other people in my life and in random contact with strangers.
* I am connected to God through the earth. I am part of the whole of creation and that is why I must love.
* Love is the way to counter hate. I can’t solve the problems of racism, sexism, ageism, homophobia, transphobia, but I can love. Love individuals, love peoples, love the earth, and care for all in my limited way with my gifts.
* When I look for God, I am found. When I turn to God I find that I become aware of the constance of that presence.
* I know more will be revealed in God’s time.

And so I went back to church, renewed and able to serve joyfully again.